I thought I would share 4 tips on how to stop complaining so much.
Perhaps you don’t like complaining, but someone has to speak up and say something about the issues at hand. Standing up for yourself, family, or community is understandable. But have you gone from lodging a complaint to complaining about everything all the time?
One of the most effective ways to learn how to stop complaining so much is to have a candid conversation with GOD. Make sure you don’t hold anything back. Instead, everything you want to say to somebody else about your problems or chief complaints, pour out to GOD FIRST. Tell him everything that you’re feeling and what is going on.
After your initial spillage to GOD, make sure you let him know that you don’t want to complain to people anymore.
Complaining about it won’t change you, but prayer will
Let’s delve a little deeper into what it means to be a complainer.
Here is what I will talk about:
*The essence of a complainer
*What complaining is
*How to discover if you are a complainer
*Steps to rid yourself of excess complaining
Having this conversation with men and women, friends and students of mines for the last 23 years has broadened my perspective. I am an overseer and teacher, and I am confronted by complaining people throughout the day.
We all have done it. If you are one of those people, whom people seem to avoid, check yourself. The word might be out that you’re a complainer.
While sometimes, we have to vocalize the problem at hand and let people know how we feel. There is a thin line between making your point and letting people know that you will not be treated in a particular manner then becoming a complainer.
We can complain so much that we end up having a complaining spirit. Our emotions go into over-drive. And it seems like that’s all we do is complain about something.
HOW TO DISCOVER IF YOU ARE A COMPLAINER
Our friends and family members end up being the receiving end of our list of complaints. If you are one of the people who seem always to be frustrated with things people do, and you’re verbalizing about it, then you’re a complainer.
My question to you is, what has all this complaining done anything for you?
Has it made you feel better getting it off your chest? If you say yes, I feel better getting it out of me. How many times have you had to do that, and has it changed the situation or, more importantly, helped you to change?
*Footnote: I believe that people who complain about mostly everything, stir themselves up in that way they keep them in a flareup and agitated.
It can be challenging for those people to understand that everything doesn’t need to be said. Because when you are in a state of frustration and somebody comes along and does something, most often, your perception is off because you’re agitated already.
Giving you more ammunition to complain, and so it goes on and on. After a while, people don’t want to be around you. You can’t blame them.
I certainly hope that people are transparent in their responses to these questions. Because complaining can sometimes feel free, but it’s not, if there has been no positive change to the situation.
Sometimes we have to remove ourselves from the problem we’re facing, especially if we find ourselves constantly talking about it to people.
If you’re serious about finding out if you are a complainer, try asking your friends and family. I suggest that you be selective in who you ask that question to make sure that you can trust that person. It should be a person who has your best interest at heart and is fair-minded.
An analysis is part of the process of discovering whether you transitioned from the person who will speak up to the person who is constantly complaining about everything.
I taught my students to do introspection- a type of self-diagnosis. And internal inspection on who you are. And why are you in that process? It would help if you took into consideration things that people have shared with you regarding yourself. Before we go any further, I’m not asking you to judge yourself because you can’t. We are ill-equipped to do that according to GOD’s word.
THE ESSENCE OF A COMPLAINER
Remember, we are looking at people who habitually complain, a.k.a. complainers. People who have a gripe about something now and again don’t fit this category.
When someone is constantly complaining, they reveal their inner turmoil and emotional process to whoever receives it. If you were to take a closer look at someone who it’s in this state, a fair assessment would be:
1. they feel they are always in the line of fire.
2. complainers struggle with either control, power, or both.
3. Complainers often feel taken advantage of, misunderstood, or disrespected.
4. At the core, they are unhappy and may be unwilling to do anything about it.
5. On a subconscious level, people who complain often feel that they are taking the appropriate steps when they vocalize their complaints to disconnect people from the situation at hand.
6. Remember, complainers feel victimized and do not believe that they are hurting themselves or anyone else when they complain.
While there are so many things that I can say about a person who complains all the time, I’m going to stop right here. I believe that you get the point that I’m trying to make by saying it already.
1. Ask yourself is it essential to complain about everything
2. Ask the Holy Spirit (the Advocate & Counselor) to help you and deliver you from complaining so much.
STEPS TO RID YOURSELF OF COMPLAINING
Either way, confront the situation at hand and not in an argumentative manner. Find a way a strategic way to start a conversation and address the problem troubling you. There is a way to handle it constructively. One that doesn’t require complaining to everyone who will listen.
The Bible says that if you have aught with your brother first, go and be reconciled to your brother before bringing a gift to GOD. So, before you take your tithes and offerings to the church and give them to the Lord, you need to deal with the aught you have in your heart.
I know somebody out there is complaining about their supervisor or boss and feels like they can’t take their issues. Well, if that is the case, another recourse will involve you still talking about it, but this time the talk will facilitate some positive change for you.
It may even bring about some feedback that you need to hear. I’m hoping that you have somebody in your life who is wise and can give you some wisdom about the situation, but if you don’t, I have the next best thing and probably the best thing you can do. And that is going to GOD with the situation.
It doesn’t matter what the problem is. GOD will take care of it if you let him. Whether you have something good going on in your life or bad, you should talk to GOD and pray about it daily.
When you invite GOD into your situation, you’re going to see things that you might not understand at first, but if you trust and believe GOD, he will help you understand it in hindsight. In other words, he will help you find it out after it has been taken care of, which usually is that you have changed on some level for good.
How so, may you ask? There are many ways that GOD can change you; one way that comes to mind right away is that he can take you to another level where the situation you are complaining about, you don’t even see anymore.
Your mind and focus change, and you ignore it. You probably have risen above it, or there’s been some spiritual shift whatever it is, it was GOD who did it, but it was you who took to him and desired the change
Remember, GOD gives us the desires of our heart when they’re positive and not destructive to you or anyone else. GOD is not a rash person, and he tells us not to be either.
He tells us not to be quick to speak because we can often do things or say things that come back and bite us in the butt when we’re angry. “Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.” James 1:19
Just know what you say and put out there it’s coming back, so make sure you put something good out consistently so that good returns. ‘Be not deceived; GOD is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” Galatians 6:7-9
When you talk to GOD about something that bothers you, that affects you mentally and maybe even physically he listens and examines what you are saying. When you ask him from your heart that you want to see change for yourself and perhaps the other person’s, he will do it. It may take a while before the solution manifests.
Either way, GOD knows what to do. Please leave it to him. Most often, we don’t know what to do. That’s why prayer is a tool. Prayer can bring about benefits that you haven’t even thought of, so please use your prayer life for everything, especially if you find yourself complaining a lot and you don’t want to. It is the weapon that you need to use against having a complaining spirit.
For some people complaining comes naturally, and it’s the way they have learned to communicate. Afterward, they wished things would change. Or were sorry for what they said so quickly when they thought about it. Prayer can change that. If you have friends or family members who pray, ask them to agree with you, using the prayer of agreement formula that GOD gave us. Ask them to pray and ask GOD to help you with your complaining about your particular problem and bring about the solution. He will!
If you are a complainer, there may be other harmful components that have emerged in your life. Perhaps you have become argumentative. You blame people for your behaviors and don’t take responsibility for your actions. Often a person who complains a lot has a cluster of issues going on in our life. In my opinion, I believe that people who complain a lot are projecting what is inside of them. It happens because they are seeing it in other people focusing and complaining about it. The people are a mirror for them.
With all the traps of society and the things we have gone through personally, life, self-help, and or prayer and communication with GOD is in high demand now.
You Need a Compass-Prayer
Prayer is a compass. There’s a great deal of power in prayer. That’s why GOD commands us to have a prayer life. We all need a compass. It will point you in the right direction and lead you to where you need to be. If you want to make sure the things unfold the way they should, use the gift that GOD gave us, prayer.
No matter what is going on or what season of life, it works tremendously! Whether your child is in the crib or a senior citizen. Pray about it and give it over to GOD. That prayer will bring about something necessary for the situation. Sometimes people pray about their problems, yet their hearts have evil intentions against the person or situation.
You can’t send GOD out to do evil, so ask him to wash away anything that’s not good concerning the case in your heart. GOD will rectify the problem at hand in a way that is conducive for you. Don’t waste your time telling GOD what to do. Tell him about the issue and how you feel. Ask him to help the situation.